scottish.

we all need a little something to perk up our thursday morning:
like the cute scottish guy in my thurs morn class!!

the cynic.

i think i'm not competent enough in what i do now and what i want to do in the future. simply said, not good enough.


no matter how fantastic your grades are or how well you can study, it doesnt mean you'll be able to adapt well or excel in the working world, for that matter of fact.

to be honest, i don't have much experience working in an office, other than that ten-week stint at kandahar road. most of my other jobs are all frontline, mostly talking and serving customers. (it's ironic. despite becoming more unfriendly, i'm diving deeper into service jobs which requires lotsa interaction with people) somehow, i dont foresee myself anywhere anytime soon.


even if you're fantastically awesome in what you do, there's always competition. people doing better than you essentially.

i dont deny. i'm upset because we didnt get into the semis. considering the amount of effort and time we spent on the whole thing, i'm rather disappointed. i guess once again, we weren't holistic and wholesome enough.


somehow, i realised i'm always getting disappointed. this is an all too familiar feeling. i hate feeling this way, but i always do.

i know we should pick ourselves up when we fall. but, i'm tired of falling.


call it whatever you want: postgrad jitters, mid-life crisis, jobless syndrome, random grumbles.

feeling gray,

i'm tired.

its this sudden realisation. it doesnt matter how hard you study and how well you do, its just not a direct reflection of the future.

i need to find some meaning in my life.

i want to drown in music. go to bintan and lie on the beach. drink till i get drunk and wake up in time for the sunrise. then will i be able to step back into reality.

simply.

after hearing from smu-to-be how the scholarship interview went, its a realization of how terrifying and competitive people can be - a prelude of what working life might be like? i guess everyone is for his/her own out there.

the roomie and the little boy may not be working anymore ):
i kinda dont feel like working either, the money and whats left of the nice people are the things keeping me there.


if only things were way simpler.
lets fastforward our lives to the good part already.

those days.

on my way to school at an indecent time the other day, i saw my ever favourite bus - 30, and it was crammed full of school kids. boy oh boy did that bring back memories from those days.

furious but futile attempts to squeeze up the bus to get to school on time, the daily 200m sprint into school just in time for the national anthem, sleeping in endless physics and chinese lessons, chemical mixing and drawing of many different types of fruits, long hours spent on mondays and saturdays practising.

those young and innocent days, where every small little thing was maginified and became complicated. i kinda miss those days actually.

i always find it incredulous how at one point, you can be so close, but as you get so busy with your life, you just grow apart from those whom you were close to before. somehow, you can still talk like the way it is before when you see each other, though you havent been in each other's lives for the longest time.

i havent seen my crazy junior in the longest time. and thanks to the chuida thingamagick in feb, i finally had the chance to see her. we managed to have a brief catchup as she dropped me off somewhere in her minicooper. (yes, i have richass friends)

i'm really glad that despite being in different unis, we still meet and catchup whenever we can. thank you girls for the lovely heels and the top (which you girls still have yet to see!)! i look forward to our picnic at barrage (:

the pmsy-stef is bitchy. extremely.

the first mover.

whenever i see "first mover advantage", i'll think of prof ian, who said, "there's no such thing as first mover advantage. it just means you're there first, that's all. whether there's any advantages, it all depends."

citylink starbucks.

i like the citylink starbucks, especially the outdoor seating.
it's the kind of place i can curl up with a book or perhaps imagine that the world has come to a momentary standstill as time pass me by.

i think it's time to take a new perspective in life.
i can no longer proudly proclaim that i'm young and immature.
i probably have to start to step out of my little world of make-believe and make my first brave step into the real world.

for most of the time, i dont think i'm a really nice person. i sincerely dont. but somehow, i think i've been kinda lucky in some ways in the past twentyone years, optimistically speaking. hopefully, saying this out loud would not jinx it. i've met a fair share of amazing people. the multiple part time jobs that i have done, the people are amazing (though i cant say the same for the customers).

i wonder. what life will be like six months later. how things would change, once again.

damn that fyp. bloody 8 AUs.
merely 7 more weeks to try to finish it.
and it feels like we've been going round the same spot, over and over again.

ohyes, totally freaking out here.

deja vu.

one year ago, i was the one flying off to hong kong for exchange. one year later, here i am at the airport, sending my dearest friend off to US for her exchange. i have faith that you'll have the time of your life there, a whole new experience awaits (:

one year ago, i went to hong kong with this girl that i barely know and this other nus guy whom i've never seen/talked to before. one year later, here i am at the airport, all ready to pick up my buddies (from hk) who are coming singapore for exchange. somehow, i picked up two girls from CU and a guy from UST. seeing them getting acquainted really triggered memories from one year ago. it's almost similar to me getting to know the two crazies - xl and zp, depending on each other in a foreign place. i'm really glad to have gone to hk with you guys, really! (:

*

i'm intrigued and well, rather amazed by, what do you call that? fate? coincidences? how people whom you know from somewhere may appear as a different person with a different role in an entirely different place?

i just realised that the singer whom i've been listening to all this time while i've been working, is I THINK, a teacher that i've worked with during my (short) relief teacher stint. i'm rather amazed, really. almost three years ago, we were working in the same school. three years later, our lives evolved around the bar.


we go round in circles, dont we all?

2009.

its always at this kinda significant moments when we would take time to stop and look back on the things that we have done.

it all started with hongkong - the new environment, the new friends, the new lifestyle, the whole new experience. i'm really thankful for all the friends that i've made over there. without you guys, the exchange wouldnt have been the same. then there was the internship at dba - a prelude to what working life might be like. i wouldnt say i've learnt much in those 10 weeks, but i wouldnt say i learnt nothing too. i guess its just really different from what i've been used to, which makes 2010 all the more scarier. it was back to school, with a new job and a new language. thank you, ian for (probably) the scariest module ever.


so here's to 2010 - the unknown, the uncertainty, the future.